The clandestine release has taken consumers by surprise – the good news? No hacking required! The iPhone Shuffle accepts any GSM network sim and holds up to 2000 contacts and music tracks. According to the Apple website, “users can enjoy crystal clear calling to any of their friends or family, randomly selected from their contact list.”
Battery issues are expected, as the device has not yet reached beta testers, but the Apple site insists that the device will be compliant with industry standards. “Greenpeace can go blow themselves,” says spokesman Sam Beckwith. The iPhone Shuffle uses the same amazing touch-screen technology as the iPhone and runs a stripped-down version of Apple’s new Leopard OS, code-named “Pussy”.
Obviously, Micah doesn’t have one.
Our sources indicate that the following people have one, while Micah still goes without. Adam “It would be great if it ran Flex” Trachtman finally got one and cracked it, with the help of Joey. He currently uses it to take pictures of his dog and the only flaw so far is that the hack disables the iphone’s display tilt feature. This is bad, because if the dog is running and the photo is taken horizontally it becomes difficult to view properly. “I am confident that Joey will figure out how to fix the problem well before Micah gets one,” says Trachtman while simultaneously writing three pages of code for two separate web sites.
Martin Spott also has one, having requested that a friend bring two of them from New York. “I can’t say that I’m really concerned so much,” comments Spott when told that Micah doesn’t have one. “Sure, he showed me how to delete Cupertino from the world clock, but I don’t think that merits him having one.” When asked what he will do with the second one, Martin becomes thoughtful. “I think I might give it to my boss, since he’s such a good guy. I might keep one for my car though. Either way, Micah is not getting it.”
While the announcement that the iPhone will be released unblocked in France sent shockwaves through the iPhone hacking community, few paused to consider the fact that Micah does not have one. “Poverty is the main reason,” according to Tehranian, “although merit does play a part. Basically, he just doesn’t deserve one.”
This is dedicated to all the expensive gadgets of the world, and to all you who got one. Micah doesn’t have one, and he never will. We want to keep it that way, but we pride ourselves on our ability to describe the gadgets and what they do. We hack them, we crack them, we test them and molest them — but we don’t give them to Micah, because then he’d have one like everybody else.
Joey “Pan Irigator” Tehranian – AKA, the Early Adopter, AKA The Terror from Tehran, AKA Brokeback. Joey was born way in a cornfield. He always has shit first and he usually shares – just not with Micah. He works as a professional YouTube content screener and was the first grown man in the Czech Republic to “have one”.
Peter Karvinen – AKA, The Finn, AKA Garfield. Peter’s background is hazy, and he doesn’t usually get one until it has been proven to be functional as well as stylish. He takes the attitude that “If I don’t need one, I won’t get one… unless it is simply to have around in case Micah believes he might like one.”